Dear Fool
by PhoenixDiamond
Summary: Funny one shot series featuring the exchange of letters between the Spirit Gang during the Dark Tournament. See what was going through their minds while in, during, the middle, or after battle. You'll be surprised. Language, mild yaoi mentioning.
1. Dear Fool

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any part of Yu Yu Hakusho. All characters belong to Yoshihiro Togashi and whoever else helped with the show's creation. I do not make any profit from it what so ever.

**Author's Rant:** This will be a exchange of letters between the entire Spirit Detective gang during their times together during ALL of their adventures. By the way no one knew of these letters except the four of them ^_^.

**Warning:** Language, mild yaoi mentioning.

**Dear... Part 1**

Dear Fire Demon,

I don't know if you'll get this letter anytime soon but I was instructed to arrest you and this guy named Kurama. Listen I don't have time to get into full details on the charges or whatever but just do me a favor. Come easy and quietly without all the bullshit monologging about taking over the world alright? Kicking ass isn't on my schedule this week. As a matter fact I was lucky to squeeze kicking your ass in on a Thursday after school. I have more important things to do like heading to Tokyo Dome for the next fight.

From Your Future Ass Kicker.

* * *

><p>Dear Unknown Fool,<p>

I haven't the slightest idea how you've come upon my address but rest assured that if you dare to interfere with my plans there will be hell to pay.

By the way that's a very pleasant way to begin a letter to someone. '_I'm going to arrest you without_ _going into details of the charges.' _Quality vow from a rookie detective. Please don't interpret that as anything else besides sarcasm. Trust me, I'm not amused.

Koenma must be going senile in his toddler years to have you sending me a threating letter about my supposed arrest. What the hell type of moronic logic are you and that fool living off of? Obviously the kind that spells the fastest way for a quickened demise. I warn you now. DO NOT meddle in my affairs or face a quicken trip to that infant employer of yours. PERMANENTLY. I won't be responsible for your face having a solid imprint of my boot for keeps.

Signed, None of your goddamned business.

* * *

><p>Dear Jail Bait,<p>

Hey Hiei how's it feel being locked up after getting your ass kicked? Pretty sweet how I used my spirit gun to knock you flat on your ass huh? You can thank your cracked ass tactics on kidnapping my friend you stupid creep. Don't get me wrong I'll admit you throw some pretty hard punches but they had nothing on my spirit gun. Give me a call when you make parole asshole. I'll be more than happy to introduce you to another ass whooping. By the way, the next time we do a rumble, keep your shirt on. I wasn't up for staring at the blinking artichoke eyes, what the hell were you aiming for. Creepy fuck.

Yours truly, the Victorious Yusuke.

P.S. Before you get any stupid ideas Kayko isn't my girlfriend. . .and don't drop the soap. I heard demons can be savages on lock down.

* * *

><p>Dear Green Jumpsuit Asshole,<p>

Believe me detective when I make parole you'll be the FIRST one to know. . . unfortunately. Don't take that minor victory of yours was anything to go by. The only reason you even stood a snowball's hell chance was because my ex-partner Kurama butted in where his tail wasn't needed. (I'll be kicking his ass later for that too). For the record, I recall delivering a good deal more shots than your pathetic pussy punches. Who the hell taught you how to strategize? Using the Fore Long Hope as a deflect to shoot me in the back? Oh yea that's real original. You got that from one of those ningen picture boxes and you know it.

Signed, Hiei

P.S. It's none of my concern what that whiny girl is to you. I only pity that you have to listen to that shrilling banshee's voice on a daily basis. And how exactly would you know how demons behave while incarcerated? Keeping something on _lockdown _I should know about detective?

* * *

><p>Dear Fake Hater,<p>

I gotta tell ya I wasn't expecting to have you and Kurama help us out to face the Four Saint Beasts. But did you have to make such a grand entrance with those glowing ball thingies? I mean come on. Just show up and be ready to kick some ass without all the theatricals. I mean fucking, you fucking prick, you had me worried there when we were all holding up that heavy ass wall. What the hell were you waiting for to pull the got'damn lever? For our shoulders to pop outta our sockets and wobble ourselves to freedom like retards? Stupid jerk. And don't feed me that crap that you were waiting for the perfect opportunity to come save us. You were just being a dick as usual.

Yours Truly, Yusuke

P.S. Is there any reason you felt the need to take off your cloak in the frigid cold? Again? What were you hoping for? The dragon to be so turned on he'll just drop to his knees begging you to. . .never mind. Just to let you know, I don't know what you were playing at but I don't swing that way kid. I think Kurama might. Hell he's pretty enough.

P.S.S. No seriously do you have some freaky fetish with taking off your robe?

* * *

><p>Dear Overdramatic Detective,<p>

Believe me if it were up to me I would've let that wall crush you all to a bloody pulp. I don't like you. I HONESTLY can't stay being near anyone of. I hate humanity. Did you not learn that from my recent attempt to destroy mankind? The only thing that saved your asses from being squished was my probation conditions involved. I'm NOT allowed to kill anymore humans. Consider you and that disfigured comrade of yours pretty lucky.

If it were up to me I would've let that damn wall fall in a heartbeat since you and that carrot head creature proved to be of little help in securing the Four Beasts. And no before you think it, I don't consider your battle with Suzaku a glorious victory. It was a mild flute, just like the ugly ningen's battle with the tiger. Thanks for making me lose that bet. I swear I was praying the tiger took him out. Alas we all can't get what we wait can we?

Signed, The All Powerful Hiei.

P.S. You dare to challenge my sexuality based on my battle with Seiryu when you were the one who had that deformed gargoyle feeding you energy through your chest? He FELL on your chest when he could have easily fallen to the side. Hn, at least Kurama's hot enough to make me question my sexual tensions. Theorically speaking of course.

* * *

><p>Dear Quiet Stalker,<p>

You know if you're just going to jump down from trees scaring people half to death, think to wear a bell would 'cha? I damn near shot you to the next world. It'd also help if you could tell someone they're about to go on another mission when they'd just finished one two days ago. Don't get me wrong the green haired babe on the video was pretty hot enough for me to rescue. Too bad my so called, _'ugly friend'_ thought so too. He made sure to come running with his _'power of love'_ in full gear.

Oh yea awesome job coming to the battle AFTER all of the actions over with, ya jerk. You wanna explain coming to the rescue AFTER me and Kuwabara killed the Toguros? You looked so awesome, man seriously. NOT! Sure come out looking like the hero when there's only one weak guy to knock out. Some goT'damn help you turned out to be. Oh look at me I'm the _'Fearless Hiei who comes at the last minute to help his friends_.' Now THAT'S sarcasm asshole. You suck on that lollipop for a while prick.

From, The TRUE Hero Yusuke.

P.S. I know something you don't know. HA!

* * *

><p>Dear Loose Cannon,<p>

Did it ever occur to you to remember what I said in my previous letters? I DO NOT LIKE YOU! Why the hell would I come to rescue you sorry weaklings? I had one goal in mind and I intended to get it done with or without your lives. By the way it would behoove you and that sorry excuse for a red haired monster to keep whatever perverted thoughts to yourselves about that Koorime apprehension. She's NOT interested.

You can blame Koenma for my slow arrival to your assistance. He felt the need to re-explain the rules and regulations on not killing ningens. HA, that proved fruitless when I was close to punching that guy's head off his shoulders. The fool was lucky Yukina was there to stop me otherwise he would've came out looking worse than Kuwabara. . . if that' even possible.

Signed, The Only Risk Taker, Hiei.

P.S. If you truly know what I think you know, than you know that I'll kill you if you so much as whisper what we both know.

* * *

><p>Dear Hiei,<p>

I regret to inform you that that so called ass whooping we dished out to the Toguros?. . . Yea let's just say it wasn't exactly accurate. So—uhhh—be expecting a nice visit from the bastard really soon.

Yours Truly, Yusuke.

P.S. Make sure to bring Kurama. We need to add sex appeal to our group.

* * *

><p>Dear Detective,<p>

. . . I just got the asshole's invitation. Nice job on finishing the mission. Glad to know you enjoy seeing us fight for our lives on a daily basis. Now who has the odd fetishes?

See you in the ring. . . You damned fool.

P.S. Kurama's invited anyway. But replace that hideous friend of yours with someone worthy for your so called sex appeal. We'll lose ratings with that face of his.

* * *

><p><strong>TBC: I wonder what the gang will have to say in the next set of letters during the tournament ^_^. Who do you think they should be between? Stay tuned. By the way I love Kuwabara lol.<strong>


	2. Dear Idiot

**Disclaimer**: I own strawberries and grapes. And these bandages on my arm and foot But I don't own any of the Yu Yu Hakusho Characters. Those rights belong to Yoshihiro Togashi and whoever else helped to make it.

**Author's Rant:** Aww thanks guys. I'm so glad you liked it. I thought really hard over who I wanted to write to each other next and sorry but I couldn't resist doing another Hiei and Yusuke. I thought they'd be perfect for the Dark Tournament ^_^ But I might surprise you at the end ^_~

**Warning:** Language, mild yaoi mentioning.

**Dear… Part 2**

Dear Hiei,

I don't know how you guys are doing, but I'm living in hell right now. I never knew when a woman hit her damn sixties, eighties or hell in Genkai's case millions, that they'd be so damn bitchy. Do you know what I'm going through up here? Hell. That's the only word perfect for it, pure agonizing, ass scratching hell. This stupid old hag hasn't let me bath in months. You got that? Months! I'm sitting here on this tree truck about to pass out from my own BO. I've scratching my ass to the white meat and took a whiff of my own breathe. . .I ko'ed myself ten times over.

Damn I smell like old noodles and raw fish.

Sighed Yusuke.

P.S. Bring extra soap for the trip. I'm gonna need it.

* * *

><p>Dear Detective,<p>

Unfortunately for us, our circumstances aren't any better. You haven't the slightest clue what I have to put up with, having to sit here and train this mindless baboon. This is proving to be a stressing session, one I never dreamed could be so frustrating. The damn fool can't manage to stay on his feet for three minutes whilst with me so Kurama's training him now. I just can't stand the sight of him.

I'm really not in the mood for threatening your life, so if what you say is true about your lack of hygiene, I'd highly advise staying clear of me. I detest the smell of humans as it is, and if yours proves even more intolerable, I WILL KILL YOU. No humorous joke intended. I still don't like you.

Signed Hiei.

P.S. I will only bring enough of that ningen product for myself. I'm sure you're aware of something you humans call money? In other words, go buy your own.

* * *

><p>Dear Jerk,<p>

I'm gone for months and that's the type of greeting you give me? I get attacked as soon as I see you guys and even bring an extra team mate. Wow, BAM I get a special hello from the other end of your sword? Geez thanks a lot for that warm welcome you short jerk. By the way glad to see you and Kurama treating this like a vacation. Nice clothes. Fashionable, cliche; everything I've always wanted. What, you couldn't buy me a small bar of soap but you could manage to buy those fancy new kimonos? Screw you both.

Signed Yusuke.

P.S. You're lucky I'm too tired to rant on your ass.

* * *

><p>Dear M.I.A. Hypocrite,<p>

So our fearless leader has been missing for -I don't know- say, an entire battle scene on the ship, a sliced up coffee cup and three consecutive matches in the arena. But don't fret detective, that wasn't much to pay ony mind too really. Don't you recall the battle Kurama was in with the dark haired demon? He was in fine form fighting effortlessly with that weakling. Oh no you don't remember because you were too busy mating with the side wall. The proof was in the saliva dripping from your chapped lips. That wall must've taught you something new.

But look on the bright side, you were fortunate to have missed the fight that involved your deformed comrade. Oh yes he did a marvelous job staying out of the ring for the full ten seconds. Glad to know we have dedication on this team. We're all going to die if we have to deal with your slumbering ass and the mindless idiot.

Signed Hiei

P.S. Try to stay awake for the next match. Oh wait you can't because the back of your eyelids are more interesting than our lives. I'll send you my next letter from Limbo.

* * *

><p>Dear Lazy Liar,<p>

The fact that you were able to awaken for the last match lets me further know that you were just being ridiculously lazy in wanting to contribute to the _'Save Our Lives For Another Day Foundation._' Splendid job there. Hn, smell of the beer my ass. Feed that nonsense to another fool, Detective. You just woke at the last minute so you could steal the glory. Unbelievable. It's humans like you who make me wish I continued in my plans for world domination.

Signed Hiei.

P.S. In case you're wondering I haven't a clue what a Foundation is. It's something I heard Kurama mumbled and I thought it sounded amusing.

* * *

><p>Dear Blind Guy,<p>

Are you guys nuts? I wasn't sleeping. My eyelids were just heavy. Hell I was there for the whole thing. I saw it all. Kuwabara getting his ass handed to him. Kurama prancing around the ring like a super model. And you, taking up most of the fight monologging about one attack. Yea, I saw it all.

You guys were the ones who insisted on continuing without my help. So who was I to interfere? But I couldn't let you guys get all the glory now could I? Besides I did a far more dangerous match then any of you. Geez I fought a drunkened demon with breathe that stunk to high heaven. And you say you did a lot of work? Get the hell outta here! The back of foot is killing me not to mention my head is thumping like mad. Did you see when Chu's head hit the ground? The cement! He left a dent there big enough for a new house. So take that _OMG_ bullshit somewhere else jackass. I did my damn part so fuck off.

Signed Yusuke

P.S. Tell Kurama if his pretty ass has something to say than to come say it to my face. Not to his little sex toy. In case you're wondering what a sex toy is... just look in a mirror. Ya creep.

P.S.S I'm not sure '_Hn_' classifies as a word so don't right it in your letters 'kay? That makes me wonder if you're being pissy.

* * *

><p>Dear Repeating M.I.A.<p>

Hey don't complain about me being MIA if you and Kurama are going to do the same thing for let's say I don't know MOST OF THE EFFING MATCH! We nearly got our asses waxed no thanks to you creeps. . . There's no way you're going to convince me that you and him were just scoping the island for the missing Master. As if you knew the guy was really out there. Oh please. In the middle of the woods—with no shirt on when you come back—together? Yeaaaaaa. I thought as much. Somebody's been MIA (A lot) for a reason. You and Kurama are so full of shit. So how's your ass Mr. Liar?

Signed Yusuke

P.S. By the way—Not that I'm curious or anything—How is Kurama in bed?

* * *

><p>Dear Fool,<p>

If you must know detective I had to wander off for a while to handle some issues of my own. Kurama just so happen, to follow me there. You should be thanking me and the fox for taking care of two of those bastards for you and a wildly crazed machine that doesn't feel any sort of pain. . . .Are you serious? Oh sure Kurama and I had plenty of time to do whatever else you assume we're doing together in the middle of the wilderness, instead of fighting to live another day. Yes we were busy ravishing each other's bodies for hours on end and it was great. That's sarcasm if you to ignorant to realize that.

Now that we're even with the MIA conversation, let's just make sure it doesn't happen again on both our sides. Not that it matters since Kurama and I seem to be doing most of the work as it is.

Signed Hiei

P.S. I wouldn't know how Kurama is during intimacy. So cease asking me those infernal sexual questions about him and me. I WOULDN'T KNOW YOU FOOL!

* * *

><p>Dear Dark Heart,<p>

. . . That's not true Hiei. **^_^**

Signed Kurama.

* * *

><p>Dear Yusuke,<p>

Perhaps you should inform Hiei of what (possibly) occurred between you and Kuwabara while you were left in the hotel together this morning. I noticed when Hiei and I returned to lend our assistance that your attires were missing the appropriate coating like yesterday. Peculiar concidence indeed.

Signed Kurama.

* * *

><p>Dear Kurama,<p>

NOTHING HAPPENED YOU JERK!

Signed Kuwabara.

* * *

><p><strong>TBC: LOL I couldn't resist adding Kurama and Kuwabara in there at the end. I don't know if this chapter was as funny as the first one because I kinda hit a writer's block when trying to make it as good as the first. Oh well, let me know what you guys think of this one. I promise I'll try to add the others in the next one. Emphasis on TRY ^_^.<strong>


	3. Dear Moron

**Disclaimer:** I own a bushel of grapes and strawberries. But I don't own the Yu Yu Hakusho gang or make a profit from them. I'm merely borrowing them for my and everybody else's entertainment.

**Author's Rant: **Oh my you guys are great. I'm happy you're all finding humor in this to brighten your days. Ok I tried my hand at these two but Idk if I could nail Kurama's personality 100%. So please forgive me if he seems OOC.

Please excuse grammar mistakes ^_^

**Warning: **Language, mild yaoi mentioning.

**Dear…Part 3**

Dear Fox Boy,

Ok normally I'm not the type to freak out when it comes to bad situations but what the hell are we supposed to do with three against five? Wait let me rephrase that. Two, plus one crumbled up bag of bones against five high ranking ninjas? Not to mention the red headed freak with wild hair can't speak a lick of English. I mean he could easily be telling me to lick my own ass without me even knowing it. Did you hear what he said to me? 'One to one until something's itching his feet holding a vine' or whatever.

Then the creep says he likes my wind?... I hope he didn't mean the kind I just—never mind.

Signed Yusuke

P.S. I noticed there's a lot of you red hairs showing up lately. Is there some sort of chilli convention I need to know about?

* * *

><p>Dear Old Worried One,<p>

I wouldn't worry about the lack of language skills on Jin's part Yusuke. Your main focus should be on the issue of us all being down two men—my apologies—two men and a highly disabled fighter who's proven to be less help then we've thought. But I'll give him my gratitude for effort.

I doubt Jin has informed you to lick your ass since you seem to already have that covered by another. You insist on butting into Hiei and I's so called love affair. Could it perhaps be a cover up for your hidden wishes to know about my skills of intimacy? Or have you already tested your own skills for another that shall not be named for now. I could demonstrate for you if you're up for it.

Whatever the case may be, I highly advise you to pay close attention to the upcoming battle for now since the judges are against us. I'll take on as many enemies as possible to save us time. You stand there and look strong and superiorly muscular… like you've been doing for most the tournament.

Signed Kurama

P.S. For someone who's taking note on the increase number of certain hair types, I've noticed they're become your favorites to complain about. I've never seen a human become so overly dramatic over the presence of a certain feature before. Could you maybe be interested in a certain red head?

* * *

><p>Dear Fox Boy,<p>

Hey Kurama give this to Hiei for me.

Yo stupid, who the hell told you to go check out the sexy nurse huh? You weren't that damn hurt. Just because she has a sweet ass and nice boobs doesn't give you permission to just waltz into the tent like some love struck puppy. Now look at ya? Stuck behind some goddamn force field, standing there getting electrocuted like an idiot. ONCE AGAIN you're MIA for another match. Looking forward to when you come out of there again.

By the way you just confirmed it for me that you have a thing for red heads. Keep that ass tight for YOUR red head asshole.

o0o0o

Now back to you Kurama,

You know it's wonderful how you're able to explain every single thing except a solution to our problems. I could already see that they were stuck behind a force field. I COULD see the damn blue electric thingies wrapping around their bodies. That's why Hiei's hair is still standing on end. So instead of talking about the conditions of what it is, could ya give out a resolving solution on how to get them outta there?

Use that pretty red head of yours for more than a hat rack.

Signed, Yusuke.

P.S. Oh yea I'm interested in red hairs. So much so that each one I see I wanna punch their goddamn lights out. You wanna go before or after Jin?

P.S.S Good luck fighting the freak with the makeup. This'll be a good one. A freaky transvestite versus a pretty boy. Who'll scream first?

* * *

><p>Dear Rose Whip,<p>

Ummm you've had a ten foot rose whip stuck in your hair all this time huh? Mind explaining why it's so long?...Or are ya compensating for something lost?

Signed Yusuke

* * *

><p>Dear Yusuke,<p>

Unfortunately as you can see, I'll be sitting out the next round sinec I've taken out two of the five of Team Rosho members. Not surprising of my skills. I'm not the type to brag on my combat techniques but I've shred more blood then you can possibly imagine this day.

I've been bled upon with disgusting blood/makeup, targeted with deadly sharp ice shards and beaten in my unconscious state by a sweaty, musty demon that's never had a drop of soap in his life. And to add insult to injury, I'm currently being sucked dry by my death plant. (No pun intended.)

Fair warning. Be cautious in saying another insult about me or you'll see whether or not I'm truly compensating for something…

Just like Hiei. He found out the truth the hard way in the forest earlier… Although he's still able to walk.

Signed Kurama.

P.S. My thanks for carrying me out of the ring from that crazed mad man. I'll see to it you're greatly rewarded once we return to the Hotel for the evening. ^_^

* * *

><p>Dear Kurama,<p>

You can thank me later for kicking Baken's ass for ya. The freak scared me at first when he started straining like that in the ring. I thought he needed to take a shit but it was his own way of powering up I suppose. You were right about the guy smelling like the inside of a gym sock. Gross! You have no idea what that scent did to my nose. I literally had to scrub my nose hairs out for that one.

Hey call me a sadistically insane maniac but I enjoyed cracking that asshole's rips to dust. Although I should've beaten 'em with a bar of soap instead. Probably would've done more damage.

I'm not going to rant on ya too much since you took care of two of the ninjas for us. But hey look on the bright side; you came out of there looking pretty.

The blood matches your read hair. HA!

Signed Yusuke.

P.S. You're welcome but don't get used to that. I heard Hiei growling at me and he sent me a message with the Jagon to back off or else….I knew you two creepers were screwing.

P.S.S What kind of reward?

* * *

><p>Dear Fox Man,<p>

Could you please tell me what this guy is talking about? I swear I can't understand a word he's saying but he sure is funny as hell.

Signed Yusuke

* * *

><p>Dear Bothersome Human,<p>

… Judging by how much your face has been slamming into the concrete…I fail to see the humor in it. So tell me…Are you still laughing now?

Signed Kurama

P.S. You'll find out your reward once we return back to our rooms.

* * *

><p>Dear Injured Red Head,<p>

Go to hell. At least I kicked the creep's ass but too bad the judges ruled me out of the match. Now who's supposed to fight the team leader Risho?

Signed Yusuke.

P.S. MY ass is off limits

* * *

><p>Dear Team Mates,<p>

You guys have nothing to fear. The awesome incredibly amazing Kuwabara will take care of everything from here. I'm the only able bodied fighter so let me take care fo the rest. I'll kick Risho's ass from here to Shiraski Junior High.

Signed Kuwabara

P.S. I shall use the power of Yukina's undying love to get me through these painful rock attacks. SO ignore those bones cracking. I'm just flexing my muscles.

* * *

><p>Dear Kurama, Hiei, Keiko, Shizuru, Boton, Genkai and Koenma,<p>

We're all going to die...Might as well pick out your tombstones. There's no way in hell Kuwabura's going to win this one.

Signed Yusuke

P.S. Well at least he's going down like a man.

P.S.S Guys tell Kurama I want white roses for my grave.

* * *

><p>Dear Fools,<p>

Declare your early demise if you will, but I'll be damned if the oaf holds my life in my hands. I will make sure to kill HIM and that bastard RISHO before this day is through.

I'M NOT GOING DOWN WITHOUT WAR DAMMIT!

Signed Hiei

* * *

><p>Dear Darkheart,<p>

Be respectful Hiei. At least he shall fall like a man.

Signed Kurama.

P.S. How in the world did you get your letter through that force field?

* * *

><p>Dear Uramishi, Hiei and Kurama,<p>

I expect a full blown apology from each and every one of you losers for denying the almighty Kazuma Kuwabara's awesome power. You idiots didn't believe that I was the ultimate fighter in the entire world. I proved that with the power of love that anything is surely possible in the most impossible situations. With my precious little tulip by my side, anything is possible. SO BITE ME YOU JERKS! Ha ha ha I kicked Risho's butt and you didn't!

Signed Kuwabara

P.S. I was serious about those apologies. I want them asap!

* * *

><p>Dear Kuwa,<p>

My apologies on my earlier assumptions of your strength. You've once again proven to be a very worthy opponent in the ring and I look forward to seeing more of your skills very soon.

Signed Kurama

P.S. Make sure to ask Yusuke to reward you once you return to your rooms.

* * *

><p>Dear Asshole Fluke,<p>

I'm not giving you a damn thing ya fluke! So you can bite the fattest part of my ass! How's that for an apology?

Signed Uramishi.

P.S. Here's another present for ya. Come to my room later on tonight. I'll give you a nicccccce present for your victory….The size of a knuckle sandwich.

* * *

><p>Dear Broken Fool,<p>

Your head must've been hit harder then you thought to ask me, the one who hates you the most, for an apology. I still think you're a fool and I still think you're a brainless twit with no sense of direction. You could beat the Toguros ten times over and it wouldn't matter a single bit to me. You're still the same deformed faced oaf without any form or balance.

Signed Hiei.

* * *

><p>Dear Half-Pint and Uramishi,<p>

Go to hell.

Signed Kuwabara.

P.S. For the last time you red headed pervert! I DON'T SWING THAT WAY!

* * *

><p>Dear Lucky Eyes,<p>

I was excited for the match blown our way by the winds of faint. Next time I hope to have another sniff of your pure undoubting cyclone, come the next time your flurry blows my way. My ears have never wiggled and twitched in the way like never before. It's amazing the tickling giggle that boomed my lips like a wild bumble bee in a flower field. You are the one that made it so, with that jolly spunk and with the crazy spirit of the people in my country.

Come next time remember to fight at your strongest but until then…. Tongue dry the inside crack of a young spirited human man like yourself soon.

Signed Jin.

P.S. You have very lucky eyes.

* * *

><p>Dear Jin,<p>

... Did you just come on to me Fly Boy?

Signed Yusuke.

* * *

><p>Dear Uramishi,<p>

He said to lick your ass until he sees you again and to think of him when you do it.

Signed Touya.

* * *

><p>Dear Undercover,<p>

...I knew you liked red heads ^_^

Signed a Certain Red Hair.

* * *

><p><strong>TBC: Lol I liked this one. Jin is like a sexy god to me. I love that accent of his. I think Touya's pretty hot too. I don't know if that's what he'd say but I tried. Let me know if I was able to get Kurama down ok. Jin too if you can. ^_^ <strong>

**Stay tuned….We're going to hear from Yoko, Kuwabara, Hiei, and Kurama since Yusuke was MIA during the next match. ^_^**


	4. Dear Dumbass

**Disclaimer:** I own nada but the idea ^_^.

**Author's Rant:** Thanks guys for your patience. I kinda hit a writer's block with my one-shots because I couldn't figure out how to keep the dark tournament light hearted but you can thank **nurdgurl714** for lighting a fire under my ass and getting this next chapter out ^_^.

**Warning**: Language Mild yaoi mentioning.

**Dear Part… 4**

Dear Pacifier Breath,

I. AM. GOING. TO. KICK. YOUR. ASS! Do you think it's fucking funny that my inner beast is a goddamn penguin? The little bastard's just sitting on my head like it's the newest fashion! I mean come on, how the hell am I supposed to be a tough damn leader if I have a cute and cuddly bird sitting on my head staring into space with those beany eyes? And to make matters worse the little bugger only knows how to say Poo? Is that some type of heavenly joke, because I'm not laughing.

I can't even get to sleep without hearing Kuwabara laughing it up!

You are so dead once I get done kicking this masked jerk's ass!

Signed Yusuke.

* * *

><p>Dear Forgetful Moron,<p>

Two things.

1. I'm so sick and tired of you harping on me about my pacifier. Has it ever occurred to you why I may be sucking on—you know what nevermind. Why explain something to someone who can barely remember how to spell his own name.

2. Um by the way…why in the world is Kuwabara in your room?

Signed Koenma.

* * *

><p>Dear Extra Appendage,<p>

Do you mind explaining what the hell that eye sore is growing on top of your head? I've seen your ningen females carry those around in their arms….So are you practicing to one day lose the (small) appendage in your pants for the little blue thing with eyes?

Signed Hiei.

P.S. I'd say go for the furry creature. You're more likely to attract more mates then with that small thing in your pants.

* * *

><p>Dear Hiei,<p>

Hiei…How in the world would you know about Yusuke's size? Is there something I need to know?

Signed Kurama.

P.S. My rose whip is more than willing to understand what you're not telling me.

* * *

><p>Dear Urameshi,<p>

Umm we have a match in like twenty minutes. So by the time you read this letter me, Hiei and Kurama will be heading out to the ring for the fight with Team Uraotogi. Can you like, I don't know, kick the masked midget's ass later so we can get this over with?

I'm starved.

Signed Kuwabara.

* * *

><p>Dear Dead Man,<p>

Whatever reasons you may think are reasonable enough to leave me with the care of that ignorant oaf, I can tell you right now I'm not amused. BE SURE to have your sorry carcass in the ring for the next match otherwise we're going to have some serious betrayal problems in the near future.

Signed Hiei.

* * *

><p>Dear Lost Boy,<p>

I'm sure whatever conversation you're having with the masked fighter can't be near as important as the approaching match. I leave this letter here in hopes of it encouraging you to arrive to our fight on time. Make sure to conceal any foreign scents from your body, because I KNOW you're in the forest doing more than a simple chit chat. I doubt Kuwabara would appreciate you handling some unnecessary business with our fifth team mate.

Signed Kurama.

* * *

><p>Dear Rejected Leader,<p>

Why the hell is it taking you so long to either kill, talk or whatever it is you're doing with that unknown warrior? I've just finished fighting TWO, count that, TWO of these ridiculous bunch of clowns without breaking a sweat. One of which was barely clad in any clothing. But don't worry I spared my eyes of that bit of torture within two minutes. (Perhaps that's stretching a bit since I did get my shoulder injured by the freak who transformed from a foul smelling ape to a werewolf with fangs the size of my head.) Do you have any idea how complicated it is to have my sword redone every time it's broken? No you don't and do you know why? Because you're too busy making small talk with a human half my size.

What a damn waste. Two matches, no fearless leader and one stupid baboon who keeps prancing about saying he's our new leader.

Signed Hiei.

P.S. I humiliated myself by resulting to the use of a rather distasteful attack normally abused by your ugly friend. I swear I'm going to kill you when you come back.

P.S.S. Don't be surprised if that orange haired idiot is dead when you come back. He cheated me in that so called Rock/Paper/Scissors game and I don't take kindly to cheaters.

* * *

><p>Dear Misplaced Leader,<p>

Yusuke…I will say that my battle wasn't nearly as complicated as Hiei's but your presence is rather needed consider the intimidating stance we're supposed to up hold. I didn't exactly look so appealing because I was forced to inhale a mystical fog that caused me to—

**)0(0)0(**

Dear No Longer Needed Human,

Your presence is no longer needed here little human for I, Yoko Kurama have finally been released from my inner captivity. My battle with the weak pest was mere child's play. The rest of these pathetic vermin shall be destroyed by yours truly while you continue to pity patter about with your miserable need to go in the forest and fuc—

**)0(0)0(**

Dear Yusuke,

Please excuse that sudden change of my letter Yusuke. I haven't a clue as to how or why my personality changed like that.

Signed Yoko Kurama *_**scratch out Yoko**_*

Signed the Real Kurama.

* * *

><p>Dear Fox Thing,<p>

From now on you ARE NOT allowed to come near my kitten EVER again. How long have you been that freaky silver fox thingie? Were you planning on eating my cat? You sick twisted pervert! No wonder you're always making those sex jokes. That fox man looks like a sex craved maniac.

Signed Kuwabara.

* * *

><p>Dear Whichever One of You Writes Back,<p>

So…who should I be expecting to sneak into my bedroom tonight? Red or Silver?

Signed Hiei.

P.S. I'm curious as to which one of your crazed personalities will be tasting the slickness of my blade.

* * *

><p>Dear Dark Heart,<p>

^_^ Expect yours truly to be assaulting your lovely body later this evening.

Signed Kurama.

**)0(0)0(**

Dear Baby Dragon,

Be well prepared for me later tonight…and be warned…I'm no human size.

Signed Yoko.

P.S. Oh yesssss...I'll gladly taste your lovely slickness.

* * *

><p>Dear Sore Ass,<p>

Make sure to use Vasaline… Yoko says that he enjoys his asses _slick._

Signed Kuwaraba.

P.S. By the way I don't care who you let screw you, but make sure you can walk by the next match.

* * *

><p>Dear Perverted Nitwits,<p>

...You fools are disgusting...

Signed Genkai.

* * *

><p><strong>TBC: Sorry about not adding in Suzuka's and Shishiwakamaru's match. I was never really into those fights. So how was this one guys? ^_^ I hope you could laugh at this one as well as the others. <strong>


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